I heard about it over drinks with a friend last night. It's a list. An inventory of your best qualities, of what makes you unique, set apart. Simple enough. But you don't meditate, reflect and make it; your friends do. It's not the "I Am" list, it's the "You Are" list. They get to tell you how they see you. Sign me up. I'm quick to admit I'm an affirmation junkie. However, there is one concern, my friend warned -- the short list. Someone always has a short list.
My friend is all too familiar with this scenario. She was, in fact, short-listed. It's not that she's not special. It's just that her friends are seemingly special-er. "I looked at her list and I thought, I want that list," my friend said. "Mine's so little and hers is so long."
Isn't that so true? I look around at my unusually talented, gifted and fabulous assortment of friends and I think to myself, "I want their list."
I want to sacrifice for others like my friend Julie.
I want to be patient like my friend Laura.
I want to hostess like my friend Tanya.
I want to parent like my friend Amy.
I want to be thoughtful like my friend Beth.
I want to be fun like my friend Kasey.
I want to cry and laugh like my friend Sara.
I want to encourage like my friend Bree.
I want to understand film and write screenplays like my friend Andy.
I want to be smart like my friend Rebecca.
I want to be entrepreneurial like my friend Apryl.
I want to maintain friendships like my friend Liz.
I want to have style like my friend Steph.
I want to care about people like my friend Amanda.
I want to write like my friend Joy.
I want to be disciplined like my friend Larissa.
I want to be inviting like my friend Andrea.
I want to have insight like my friend Lynnelle.
I want to be analytical like my friend Katie.
I want to be genuine like my friend Molly.
I want to be creative like my friend Susan.
I want, I want, I want. Trust me, there's more.
All of my girlfriends have long lists and I want everything on their list. Sometimes I want it so bad that it makes me resent my list and theirs. Like, why do they all get to be so great and I just get to be, well, me?
I spend a lot of time comparing lists. I spend even more time trying to turn my list into their list. I try to take pictures like Laura. I try to knit like Bree. I try to decorate like Susan. I don't like photography, knitting or decorating. It's just that list-envy gets the best of me and I take on things that aren't really a fit for me instead of focusing on/feeling comfortable with/enjoying my list.
After my friend divulged her list resentment, she shared with me a realization she had after the traumatizing episode. "I spent the whole day just kind of feeling bad for myself," she said. "But then I just heard this voice (from God) say, 'You're not in a competition. I have given you these friends as a gift.'" Where she lacks patience, her long-listed girlfriends excel. Where she struggles with compassion, listening, caring, cooking, you name it, her friends shine. "It's like my friends are my perfect complement. Where I'm weak, they are strong and vice versa."
What a shift in thinking this was for me. Where I am weak, you are strong. What a gift my friends' giftedness is to me.
Thank God I have my friends. Thank God I have them to fill in the gaps for me (and to cook me amazing meals, invite me to amazing parties, make me hair bows and bibs, take my family pictures, knit me sweaters, edit my writing, pray for me, decorate my house, give me feedback...). Thank God I don't have to strive to be like my friends. Thank God I get to be me and they get to be them. And thank God we're all better because of it!
