The FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) Badge

This is how it happens to me. I'm bored. I log on to Facebook. I read. I read more. Then, depending on what appears on my wall ... it starts. It begins to creep into my thoughts. It becomes my filter through which I read all updates and view all mobile uploads. It compels me to keep perusing the pages. Finally, it forces me to close my computer. Now, I'm not only bored, I'm lonely, depressed, bitter.

Why are all my friends having more fun than me?

Where are they ... together?

What are they doing ... together?

Why haven't I been invited?

Do I even have any friends?

It is FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) -- "The sharp pang of envy that comes when someone you are following on the social networking site is clearly having a better time than you are — right now." I read about it several months ago in this NY Times article. It so perfectly articulated what I feel almost every time I look at Facebook.

"I'm having such a fun time with all my best friends today at the beach! Yay!"

"I can't wait to hang out with my favorite people tonight and have the most fun ever!"

"I am so excited about all the amazing things I have going with all my friends this weekend. I can't wait."

Mobile Upload: "Night out with the girls!"

What about me? Maybe if I was confident enough, comfortable enough, secure enough these updates wouldn't bother me. I'd be excited for my friends, thankful they have the opportunity to have a great time. While I hate to admit it, I'm just not there yet. FOMO has a hold on me.

Thinking back to high school, I remember my friends talking on Monday mornings about parties they went to or people they hung out with on the weekend. There were always a few inside jokes and some funny stories, but that was about it. The excitement faded by fourth period.

It's different now.

"Social media has made us even more aware of the things we are missing out on," writes Caterina Fake, co-founder of Flickr on her blog. "You’re home alone, but watching your friends status updates tell of a great party happening somewhere. You are aware of more parties than ever before...If you didn’t know that party was going on, you’d be home contentedly reading your latest New Yorker. But since you do, you hungrily watch each new tweet."

I don't just find out about social occasions after the fact. I read about them before, during and after. I see pictures before, during and after. All the while, I'm fully aware (sitting in my pajamas in my living room) that I'm not part of the fun. Ugh. When will that ever feel OK?

So what do I do? Quit my whining. Yeah, a little. Suck it up. OK, fine. Quit Facebook. No, I need it. It's how I organize my social life. Quit Facebook stalking. Maybe that will work. I don't have a solution. All I know is that it's an age-old problem (Hello, Moses and the 10th commandment? "You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's."). And it's been wildly exacerbated by our desire to "connect" on the world wide web.

I'm not saying it's wrong to post about friends and festivities. That's what Facebook is all about, right -- "Giving people the power to share and make the world more open and connected?" It's just that this kind of social networking (voyeurism?!) has opened us (I'm speaking for dozens of girlfriends) up to a whole new level/kind of insecurity.

One of my good friends told me that whenever she posts a status, she always has one person in mind who has been through a difficult season of life (by no fault of her own). "I always think, 'How would this make her feel to read it?'" she said. I know I can't take that argument too far -- anything I write could upset anyone for any reason. But I like the sentiment. It's thoughtful and considerate, some quality characteristics that Facebook and its members could use a little more of.