It Is OK Badge

I am not a fun snow day mom. I'll just admit it straight up - I hate snow days. I like the structure, routine and sanity that school brings. I feel guilty admitting that. I think I mostly feel guilty about it because I have some friends that are snow day moms. They love it when their kids are home unexpectedly. And since I don't and I actually enjoy it when my kids are gone for the day, well, what kind of mom am I?

I'd brag about being a snow day mom if I were one. Let's be for real, Facebook is full of status updates from snow day moms! "Watching my little love bugs frolic in the snow while getting hot cocoa ready. Ahhhh. Life is good." But I feel like I have to hide the fact that I'm a "I want my kids at school and yes, a play date for the afternoon at your house mom." What would I, a non-snow day mom, post as a status update today? "Kids watched Netflix over breakfast while I laid in bed still fretting over the snow day. Played play doh for five minutes. Too overwhelmed by the mess. Kids are watching Netflix again." Seriously. No one posts that.

As I'm writing this I just got a text from a pregnant girlfriend that says, "Tell me it's OK that I feel like a MAC truck has hit me and I need a nap 23 out of 24 hours of the day. Oh, and that my kids have watched 2.5 hours of TV already today."

Is it OK? Hell yes it's OK.

Why is it OK? Because while I may not be a snow day mom, a Pinterest mom, a crafty mom, a farmer mom or sometimes even just your average friendly mom, there are a lot of things I am. Good things. Fabulous things that make me the most amazing mom to the four kids I've been given the privilege to raise. I would make a list, but I don't want to get too snow day mom status-updatish. :)

And just to be clear, I'm not bitter at the snow day moms. I do make fun of them (to their faces, not just publicly in my blog!). But I'm glad they're out there. My kids are really glad they're out there. They teach me things and inspire me and let me sit in their kitchen while they organize crafts and make the cocoa. And I think the feeling is mutual. They learn from me and what I'm good at.

So, cheers to the snow day mom! I see one out my window just this minute. And I'm perfectly OK with the fact that I'm not out there frolicking with her.

Old and New Badge

What I know now...

• I have every aisle in our grocery store memorized. Tell me what you're looking for and I'll tell you where to find it.
• I know my 14-digit library card code by heart.
• I can recite Goodnight Moon, Barbie Pet Vet, Pinkalicious Pinkie Promise and numerous other great works of children's literature on command.
• Poop (as in human excrement) on your clothes or carpet? I can get it out.
• Need tips on birthing, breastfeeding, babies, toddlers, preschoolers, kindergartners? Got it.
• Menu planning, local kid hot spots, play date ideas, discipline? I have some pretty good insights.

Seriously, the list goes on and on and on. I'm not bragging. The amount of knowledge and level of organization/multi-tasking (playing a board game, breastfeeding, breaking up a fight) skills I've accumulated over the last six years are pretty astonishing. I would totally have been promoted at my job by now and be making more money.

But what surprises me is how much I belittle what I've learned and how I've grown.

What I used to know:

• Need a book at Barnes & Noble? I can direct you to it.
• Put together a news release, a speech, a story, a magazine about this, that or anything. No problem.
• Want sushi for dinner? OK. I can give you the details on every joint in town.
• Serial comma or no? Colon or semi-colon? AP style? I'm your girl.
• Oh, Governor Granholm is calling. Please hold while I take her call.

I spend a lot of my time focusing on "losing" who I once was instead of focusing on who I'm becoming. I say it all the time, "Look at me. Look around. Who am I?" I clean. I carpool. I care for our kids. What am I doing?

Why does it feel like what I'm doing now is insignificant? Unimportant? Trivial? What makes having a thorough understanding of Dante's nine levels of hell more valuable than getting all three kids undressed, dressed and showered for swim lessons with time to spare (a seriously bad-ass, sweat-inducing accomplishment if you ask me!)?

I guess I just don't want to think like this anymore.

What if I still am the girl who is capable of interviewing Gov. Granholm AND now in addition to her, I'm the girl capable of scrubbing the grout, washing the dog and getting dinner on the table in the last hour before Michael gets home?

Have I really lost the more valuable, educated, talented me? Or am I like a more enhanced version of me? Is it that different times of life require different parts of me to shine while others sit on the back burner for a bit? I'm not going to lie. I wish I could shelve some of my current tasks for some I've had in the past -- lunching at a deli downtown instead of in my kitchen, sitting in on a press conference instead of quick skimming the news on my phone before one of my kids asks to play it again.

But I'm trusting that ALL that I've learned up to this point in my life will not go to waste. Thoreau wrote, "Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit and resign yourself to the influences of each." Easier said than done. But definitely worth a try.

Lamenting over the loss of my "self" at a friend's house yesterday, she encouraged me to write. "You are a writer. That's who you are, what you love to do. It hasn't been lost." So, I thought I'd try to write something, anything each day for Lent. I'm mixing it up - a little old me and a little new me. Hopefully the combo is better than either one would be on its own.