The Not Doing Badge

She does crafts with her kids.
She does themed dinner nights.
She does homeschooling.
She does Shutterfly books ... every year (a feat of supernatural proportion, might I add).
She does the room parent thing.

She does.

Does, does, does...

Do, do, do...

Moms are almost exclusively praised for what they do. Mom blogs, mom books, mom clubs. This doing thing is what Pinterest-lovers live for. Highest accolades to the moms "doing" the coolest stuff, right?

Do you know what the definition of "do" is? Just to be clear, it means to perform a particular task, to work on something to bring it to completion, to solve, to work out.

Well, I've been thinking lately that maybe we've got it backward. Our focus is askew. Like what if the doing isn't as worthy of our attention as the not doing?

What if what I don't do as a mom is actually more significant, astounding and awe-inspiring than what I do do?

Case and point.

Evelyn slipped getting out of the bathtub last night. No big deal. Oh, wait. Yeah, she's 5. She's a girl. And, there's that little tidbit of her being my daughter (drama runs deep and strong). She howled like she'd been mauled by a vicious animal, all the while pushing bedtime back minute after precious minute.

Here's what I wanted to do people. I wanted to scream at her, "You LIAR. Suck it up, sister. I've seen you fall harder than that like 10 times today. Don't play me. Get up. Go. MMMMOOOOVVVVVEEEEE IT, before I (insert some sort of freakish inappropriate ninja move here)."

That's what I wanted to do.

Here's what I did. Or didn't do, I guess I should say. I didn't yell. I didn't ridicule. I didn't karate chop.

Way harder than the doing, peeps. Praiseworthy? Ummm, yes. Blog worthy? Uh, yeah. Book worthy? I'm hoping after someone reads this they'll think so!

Further proof to support my theory...

Jack didn't want to go to his Odyssey of the Mind meeting yesterday. He actually cried about it. In protest he decided to lock himself in the bathroom and take the longest poop ever. Gross, yes. But I think a necessary detail to set the scene.

What I wanted to do? Well, duh. I wanted to kick down that damn door, toss him over my shoulders and remind him (in a loud, scary drill sergeant voice), "Boys don't cry." I know, I know. A totally damaging thing to say. But I didn't say it, so it doesn't matter. No lectures needed on making a safe place for my little guy to share his emotions BECAUSE I DIDN'T DO IT.

Do you see what I'm saying? I'd take the doing any day. It's the not doing that's so much harder. Do you know how much of my day is spent not doing?

The old woman is counting her pennies out one by one by one in the grocery checkout lane while my kids pull candy off the shelves and point at Jessica Simpson's large breasts on the cover of Us Magazine. I want to jump over my cart, shove that woman aside, rip the wallet out of her hands and shout, "Get on with it, already." But I don't.

The man cutting across the parking lot in his large SUV almost runs into my van (More evidence to support my belief that men stink at driving near any and all shopping centers. That's a post for another day). I want to jump out of my car, slam my fists on the hood of his shiny Escalade and scream, "Slow the (insert something totally offensive here. Or something like 'heck' for my kind-hearted friends. 'Heck' is what I was going to say - promise!!) down." But I don't.

This not doing is not for the faint of heart, I'm telling you. And for an affirmation junky like myself, I have a hard time keeping on, or not keeping on. Not sure which one it is. If you knew how many things I didn't do just this morning, you'd be bowing in reverence!

So, pat yourself on the back today for everything you didn't do. Tell a friend, "You're the best didn't doer I know!"

(Thank you, Matt Gravelle, for being my not doing inspiration!)